In a research held in forty four states in the United States of America, family Law Attorneys Wilknson and Finkbeiner, found that; about 50 percent of all marriages in the states end up in divorce or separation. They further broke down the data to how much a partner or an individual involved in a divorce or separation, got married in their previous life. According to the researchers, forty one percent of all first marriages end up in divorce , sixty percent of second marriages end up in divorce, seventy three percent of all third marriages end up in divorce. USA being the sixth highest country with divorce cases, this numbers is alarming.
Separation and divorce is not a new thing in our modern families. In fact, some engage in as many divorces as four to five times before they get to the age of sixty. To this extent, you can say that it is a way of life in this modern generation we are living in today. But is it really an enjoyable lifestyle for our families to venture into? No. divorce does not only hurt the partners involved but also children both mentally and emotionally. In Africa, statistics show that, almost seventy percent of partners engaged in separation and divorce process never involve their children. Why? This is because they do not know how to effectively communicate with them concerning this issue. Most of the parents ignore informing them for one reason or the other.
In this article, I am going to advice you on how are going to let your children that you are going to separate for some time or even getting a divorce in the near future.
Firstly, you have to plan what you are going to say to them. Do not let your hard emotion when, how and what you telling the kids about the separation. Choose a day that allows for family time like the weekend. If it is hard for you and your partner to inform them, consider using a divorce coach or a mediator.
The next how is to talk to your kids together. I know this might be hard for you and your partner, but it let the children know that you are both devoted to being their parents. Let them hear the news all at the same time. Hearing it from one sibling who heard it earlier, might rise conflicts and tension. Do follow up on the older children and explain in most understandable words possible why you must separate or divorce to avoid violence in the future.
The third step in letting your kids that you are separating is to develop a Non-blaming narrative. Try as much as possible not to point fingers at each other for the separation or divorce. You might feel that it will be good for them to know the truth of who did what leading to your separation between you two. But that would not be healthy to them. Try as much as possible to you the WE word when talking to them together.
The forth step is letting your kids know why this is happening. You do not have to provide the specific details on why you planning to divorce, but you have to explain to them why their lives is going to change. Give a general explanation like ‘We like each other and want to be friends.’
The fifth and the last step is to tell your kids what is going to change and what will stay the same. The most important thing our children want to know is how your divorce is going to affect the lives. They need to know where they are going to stay after you have divorced or separated.
In conclusion, letting your children in during the separation process is healthy to them. They get to understand what is happening in the family and grow to be responsible adults some day in the future.